Cats have it easy?

Some people like to think that being a cat is easy.  Additionally, I often hear "In my next life I want to come back as a cat." Where this false perception has come from bewilders me.  Well, I am here today to tell you all just how hard a cat's life really is.  I am going to shed some light on a cat's reality.  Let's take a look, shall we.  The beginning of  a new day starts at midnight, 12:00am (keep up humans, that's when both the big hand and little hand on the clock point to the 12).  Since 12am is the beginning of a new day, that is when I will begin my daily schedule.

12:00 a.m.
I roam the downstairs facilities.  Ohhhh looky here, I find a piece of chicken on the floor.  I eat the piece of chicken.  I realize that... it was not chicken, it was dirt.  Crap!

12:30 a.m.
I find a hair tie and knock it all over the living room.  I crash into a side table and a very expensive/pretty candle goes crashing to the ground.

1:00 a.m.
I mosey on over to my place setting and have a snack and a drink of water from my water cooler.  (yep living the high life).

1:15 a.m.
I sit in the middle of the living room floor just staring at random things for long periods of time.

1:50 a.m.
Bathroom and an investigation of the basement.


2:30 a.m.
I go upstairs and inspect each and every room for the 3 F's.  What are the 3 F's you ask?  Food, Fun, and Flying things.  It is imperative that every night, each room is scoped out for the 3 F's.

3:00 a.m.
I go into the humans bedroom and jump up onto the bed.  I walk around the humans a few times to find the best place to sleep.  Found it! I squeeze myself into the tiniest spot next to the girl.  (I sense she is not too happy about this).  It's not my fault, its my bed too!

4:30 a.m.
I follow the girl to the bathroom and sit there and stare at her.  I then go to the office and sleep on the big office chair.

6:00 a.m.
The girl's device starts ringing loudly.  She seems very pissed off and aggravated.   I wait for her to calm down and go into the bathroom again. I wait for her on the bath mat while she allows water to pour all over herself (I really don't get these humans).  Then as she grooms herself and paints her face, I get in her way.

7:00 a.m.
Breakfast!  If I'm lucky the girl will make a sandwich with some of that delicious turkey or ham..... Damn no turkey, no ham.  I then proceed to eat my own food.

7:30 a.m.
Yes! I have the whole house to myself.

8:00 a.m.
Sit in the window and watch the birds. Bluejays are my favorite.

8:30 a.m.
I fall asleep in the window with the warm sunshine beating down on me.

9:30 a.m.
Snack and water time.

9:35 a.m.
A spider!! I follow and slap him (over.. and over... and over... and over again..).

10:00 a.m.
snack time!

10:15 a.m.
I find a tiny patch of sun shining on the carpet.  That calls for a nap.

11:30 a.m.
I jump up on the kitchen counters (shhhh don't tell).  I find the spoon the girl used to scoop out my breakfast! That was an unexpected snack :)  While on the counter I knock things down off of the counter (oven mit, fork, plastic bag..) you name it, I got it.

12:30 p.m.
Naptime

4:00 p.m.
The girl comes home (she looks frazzled).  I roll around on the floor on the carpet (when you do that, the humans think you're all cute and stuff and they like to pet you and scratch your ears and neck).

5:00 p.m.
The boy comes home. Same thing....... Roll around + act cute = pure bliss.

6:00 p.m.
Beg and I mean BEG for some human food.

6:30 p.m.
Dinner (begging didn't work).  And ugh! they gave me the same food as this morning.  I really can't stand that humans think I want to eat the same flavor for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

7:00 p.m.
I lay down on top of the couch looking out the window.  

8:00 p.m.
The boy taught me how to play fetch with hair ties.  Dogs are dumb, but that game of fetch they invented... just awesome!

8:30 p.m. 
Snack, water, bathroom

9:00 p.m
I lay down with the humans while they watch the box that lights up.  Then, I jump in front of the box and watch the humans get mad.

11:00 p.m  
The humans have fallen asleep.  I start to make noise by playing with a toy I have found underneath the bed.

11:30 p.m.
I get thrown out of the bedroom (absolutely rude)

12:00 a.m.
It starts all over again!

Now... I dare you to say that cats have it easy!