Guests

I just got word... guests are coming over!  Some cats hate it when strange people come into their homes.  Me on the other hand, I see this as an opportunity.  When new people come into the house there are so many good things that can happen (bad too, but the good outweigh the bad).

The Good:

1) The new people are overwhelmed by my cuteness and immediately want to give me lots and lots of attention.  Do I deny them? No.  Do you think I'm going to pass up on some free lovin'?  I'll even allow a belly rub or two as I roll around the floor.

2) When strange people come over (and let me tell you, some of them are pretty strange... like that Santa looking dude with the grey beard.. just odd) there is usually extra food involved.  The strange people bring food in, and the girl human makes more food than usual.  This is always a good thing.

3) While on the subject of food this brings me to my next point... more people in the house means more food on the floor.  I will be on high alert during this time.  I will station myself directly underneath the table (no chairs will be available today).  Being under the table I will have 360 degree access to every person eating and be aware of every piece that plummets to the floor.  I will be there to retrieve all pieces.

The Bad:

1) Sometimes when there are more people in the house you have to watch out for your tail.  More traffic = more feet.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

2) When the big strange humans bring the short strange humans with them, it's never good.  I think they are called kids.  Last time I checked, a kid was a baby goat... but if that's what humans want to call their offspring, go right ahead (just weird).  These kids do not understand the art of petting. They slap and smush instead of delicately stroking the fur.  They also think that tails are detachable (I will kill whoever told them this).  When kids are present, I go into hiding.   The basement is always best, kids are afraid of the basement.

3) This is the worst negative.  Some stupid humans have a fear of cats.  Can you believe it?  They actually fear me!  It is so ridiculous.  They fear for their lives at the very sight of me.  What do they think I'm going to do.. fly through the air, land on their head, and rip them to shreds.  First of all, I can't fly... I only have back claws...and I have no thumbs.  What damage could I possibly do?   When these humans show up I am put into solitary confinement.  I go into the guest bedroom and am given food, water, and some toys.  It is not fun.  I try to escape for a few minutes, but I have not mastered the door knob yet.

So... the guests have now arrived and I am getting lots and lots of attention.  This is a very exciting day.  It is a beautiful sunny day and lots of food will soon be dropped onto the floor.  Mmmmmm... I can smell the hamburgers and hotdogs cooking away on the cooking apparatus outside.  I can't wait.

This will be absolutely de..lic..i.. what's going on?  Oh no.... this can't be.  I forgot.  How could I forget?  The humans are taking the food and eating outside?!?!  They do this when the weather is sunny and warm.  Nooo, not fair.. all that food is gone :(  Nothing will drop on the floor for me. 

Bye, Bye, Beef...